What I Really Needed
by Rollins221
Summary: I wanted to write a Clay/Hannah fic, so here you have it! Rated T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

I'm alive. I don't know if I'm relieved or angry, but then I hear it.

"Hannah?" comes a voice.

"Clay?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"Your mom called and told me what happened," he says, reaching to take my hand. "Hannah, I'm so glad you're okay. I'd have really missed you if you had... you know." I realize that he can't say, "If you had killed yourself." It hurts him too much to say those words. It's then that I realize Clay would have been very lost if I'd succeeded. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I just..."

"Hannah, why?" he asks. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I sniffle and choke out, "No, I can't."

"It's okay," he whispers. "We can talk about it when you're ready." His eyes fall perhaps accidentally to the white gauze bandages covering the slashes on my wrists. I can tell he still doesn't understand. If I'm honest, though, do I even? "Clay, it's... complicated," I say, as I can't come up with a better word.

He looks me over, and then he does something I don't anticipate. He climbs onto my hospital bed and, without a word from me, wraps his arms around my slight frame. His touch is warm and so safe, and it's here that I finally break. I sob hard into his shoulder, so hard that I barely feel him rubbing my back. He doesn't speak or ask me to, and I realize I needed this desperately. I just needed someone to hold me. I'm really happy that it's Clay who has. It's here with him that I come to the understanding that I didn't really want to die. I just wanted someone to know how much pain I carried and for them to help me. I've grown so, so tired of carrying it all alone.

A/N: I'm into the second season of 13 Reasons, and this has been playing around in my head, so I thought I'd write a Clay/Hannah fic. Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you soon! Drop me a review if you like!


	2. Chapter 2

At some point, I drift off to sleep, It doesn't last long, though. "No! Bryce, stop! That hurts!" I whimper, attempting to move back. However, it's not Bryce who answers. It's Clay.

"It's okay, Hannah," he says, reaching for me again. "It's just a nightmare."

As I wake up, I instinctively flinch back. I'm not afraid of Clay. I'm not. It's just that remembering what Bryce did is still not only emotionally terrifying, but physically hard to deal with. "I'm sorry," I say, ashamed. "It's- it's not you."

"No, it's all right," he says gently. 'You've been through a lot, and I might have rushed it. I just wanted to..."

"Clay, don't," I say, trying to reassure him. "It isn't your fault. I've just got a lot to work through. I..."

"Do you want ta talk?" he asks.

After a long moment I breathe in and begin, "I just wanted to clear my head, and I wound up at Bryce's. I wanted to take a dip before I left, and when Bryce came over, I immediately got uncomfortable, and I couldn't get out before he took what he wanted." I sniffle.

"Hannah, I wish I had known before."

"I wasn't ready. I... People already thought I got around, and I felt like if I talked about Bryce, people would think they were right all along."

Clay nods, listening and just letting me get it all out. I go on, saying, "Everyone thought I was easy even though I wasn't. Bryce took an opportunity, and I wasn't okay with it. He knew I wasn't okay with it, and he still forced me."

Again, Clay nods. "It wasn't your fault. Bryce is a jerk who thinks the world owes him and that everything belongs to him, including girls' bodies. We're gonna get him, though, if you're all right with talking about it."

"Can we wait? Just for a little while?"

"Of course, Hannah," Mom says, coming in from the cafeteria.

I'm suddenly thankful that Tony shared the tapes with my parents and Clay even though it must've been hard for them to listen. It saves me having to explain it all again. I know my parents are going to insist I talk to a counselor, but I'm glad for the moment of silence for now. Moment of silence. Hmm, that's ironic. "I'm just not ready yet," I tell them, "but I promise I'll make sure Bryce Walker pays. Not just for me, but for all the others, too.'

They nod.

"We're here for you, Hannah," Mom says, patting my back.

"I know, and I'm really glad to be alive." I smile, and Clay squeezes my shoulder.

"We are, too," he whispers.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you soon! Hannah's dad will be in the story at some point, too. I just wasn't quite sure how to fit him in just yet.


End file.
